Consistent, gradual, steps

This was in January.

I just started a job. I don’t want to be there..Why did I do this to myself…I wasted so much time.. driving surfing , lounging, around online and before you know it, I’m at job that nearly seems to threaten my psychological well being,..I mean I wasn’t doing great to begun with..let’s why not ,   throw a monkey bar in the wrenches and see what happens ? ..smh

It’s been tough to say the least, to make matters worse it’s in a field that I don’t think I should be in.

in the future maybe I might decide to at last come into this field but maybe not..

Anyway, there is this lady there, several years younger than I  who works there, too. She for sure has let me know this is the field , career she wants , like from the depths of  her heart she informed me this is what she wants.

notice I bolded and italicized words  depths of  her heart ,  her heart let me know she wanted this so bad .  I remember her saying last year, many months ago something like   I really want to be  a doctor. The way she said it her heart had spoken, her mind.. This is where her mind was. I ‘ve been sort of double minded concerning becoming a physician   Being in the graduate program for pre-dental, med students  I felt perhaps out of place. I look back and think I must have have thought more than once, what the heck am I doing here.

 Was this my dream? Was this something I yearned for? ( from the depths of my heart, my soul?) 

Anyway fast forward several months later into this new year.   And she is steadily working towards a goal, and nearing closer to overcoming  one of the biggest obstacles related to entering this field. I can’t barely  imagine her not reaching her goal in this step of the process to becoming a doctor.

I on the other hand have not done too much.  I have several things I’d like to do, and I want to accomplish them in a short time.. perhaps not all my motives are pure for pursuing a certain career is pure. I   Just to have to pray to have the right mind heart on this matter, concerning what I’d want …

Long story, what this former classmate wants and what I want are least as far as I know.  Her goal, career wise, though hard to enter, is attainable. Many people have been able to enter this school, nevertheless I am not going to say its a piece of cake. I guess what I want it nearly astronomical, ..Well it’s not impossible , but even perhaps far less have achieved or gone where I want to go.

Which brings me to the complaint I voiced inside concerning my predicament while I was at that job. I saw, see  her ..well on route to accomplishing her goal. My thought,  the way I saw it was oh God, what she wants is sooooo easy compared to what I I am barely having gotten anywhere…it such a horrible place to be in ( I know there are far worse circumstances to be in )

Any who, it seemed like the next morning on facebook, I cam across this title from Graham Cooke ministry facebook post

How to Partner with God to Fulfill Impossible Dreams.

I was like “Wahh!!” that’s me. It feels close to impossible as compared to her dream.

I eventually read the article and felt like it was Him who let me know what to do in  situation like my mine..start small and work your way up consistently. Eventually you can do more that you could have ever imagined!!!

Any who I need to work on doing just that. Again thanks to  Him for this timely article.


Pouring out my heart

Well, I heard a testimony from a woman. She said she used to be needy , in other words desperate for love.  And that neediness was not attractive.

She found though that when she poured out her heart to God, The Holy Spirit , God would fill that hole with his love and acceptance.  Through doing that she came to no longer be needy . His love built her up and she seemed to become her own person.

I think she said was perhaps scared that would God reject her judge her if he poured out her heart to him, but no, he didn’t do that.

Instead, he poured in love and acceptance

To be honest, I am blessed by that testimony. I have some trust issues with Him. So I think its perhaps something he wants to bring to my attention. I know there is verse in the Bible where David encourages for God’s people to pour out their heart before Him:

Psalm 62:8 ESV
Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah

I know for relationships that self-disclosure is an important part of building close, intimate, enduring relationships. This could also relate to your relationship with the heavenly Father.

I guess little by little I could start off and build from there.